Questioner
by SiuanSedai
Summary: In death, Ariana is finally free to ask Albus the questions that have plagued her for one hundred and fifty years.
1. The Opening

I wrote all but the last chapter of this story a few months ago, when I was quite depressed - it was quite cathartic :) I used the 100quills prompts (I have an ongoing Ariana claim there) to inspire the chapters... I will now stop going on about nothing at all.

**Prompt 007 - Open**

I could never speak my mind in life. The curse that held me gripped close in its confusion would never allow me to put words to the feelings that plagued me. There was so much I felt but couldn't understand; so many things locked away in a deep chest for which I could not find the key. Only death could unlock that particular snare, and in death I cannot say what I wish because no one will hear. No one is here to hear me.

There are questions, too; questions that I could never ask because they were hidden within the closed box of my own mind and I had not the understanding of the corresponding emotions. Maybe that was why I was so erratic – emotions cannot be hidden forever, and sometimes the pressure became too great. Something had to give, and that something was the lock on the door.

You weren't to know, I suppose. How could you? I am angry at you for some of the things you said, although I could never, would never, hate you. But you could never have understood. Some things are too painful to understand, and you have always tried to avoid pain.

I am going to cause you pain, my beloved brother. I have no wish to hurt you, but emotion will out. One hundred and fifty years of pent-up pressure cannot be allowed to fester for any longer. It will hurt you, more so than it will me, but now that you have joined me in death I must set these questions free. Not in the uncontrollable explosions as I did in life, but in my own time. The mind is a fortress, and I now possess the only key.

Albus, dear Albus. My brother, my protector. You have run from me for a century and a half, fearing the truth and the guilt that our renewed companionship will bring. But death cannot be evaded forever, and you have always known that there is neither heaven nor hell. There is not even any limbo for you, my Albus. Simply purgatory, where you must face up to your life. Just me.


	2. How?

Sorry it took so long to post this... being a complete idiot, I competely forgot. I finished the whole story before I posted the first chapter, lol. I'll try and remember to post once a day from now on.

**Prompt 011 - Sorrow**

Five things. That is all. Five questions that I have for you, and then you may choose. Accompany me onwards, repairing old mistakes by leading me into the next great adventure. Or will you choose to fix your recent errors, remaining here until those you hurt have passed on?

But those are not questions for you to answer yet, brother dearest. I have one question for you now, one that I have waited years to ask you.

How could you?

Oh, I do not mean _why_, Albus. I know _why_ you acted as you did – at least I assume that I do. But _how_?

What do I mean? It's hard to know, really. It's such an all-encompassing question that I want a specific answer to. But… I suppose what I really mean is, how could you say the things that you said? Every comment made in anger, every little suggestion born in frustration and every time you lost your temper – how could you say such horrible things?

It hurt. It really did. How could you tell me I was happy being mad? How could you ever even wonder if I was exaggerating my mental state to get attention? How could you not realise how hard I tried to break free of the curse ensnaring my mind?

Most of all, though… how could you think I wanted to hurt you?


	3. Anything

See, I remembered!

**Prompt 008 Unforgivable**

I could forgive you anything, Albus. Even what you said, even what you did, even though you hurt me so. Anything, but I don't know how far 'anything' extends. Can I forgive you using my rare moments of sanity against me?

I told you everything whenever I could. When I could, I told you the truth about how I felt, locked away within my own mind… and time after time, when you became angry you always used what I'd said to reinforce such a painful statement. Sometimes it hurt, a sharp pain that flowed through my veins and stabbed viciously at my heart until I was sobbing and screaming and babbling hysterically all at once. Sometimes it hurt so much that I didn't _feel_ the pain at all. I knew it was there, but I hid from it. I retreated back inside a bubble devoid of emotion, where I was safe from the barbs of cruel words.

I don't know if I can forgive you for those times, my brother. So that is my second question to you: can I forgive you?


	4. ShadowGhost

**Prompt 023 - Shade**

Three questions I have left. Then you must join me in making a choice. Will you stand with me? Or will I be left alone, left to seek a future I can never find?

That… is not my third question, Albus. You look at me so sadly, so wisely, so secure in the knowledge that your many years of life have afforded you a standing in the halls of wisdom. I wonder if you have yet experienced any of the wisdom that can only be sought in death,

The wizards you have fought have marked you, Albus. Not just in the battle scars you received, nor solely in the solemn look that sometimes crept across your face as you stood at the window in solitude. They have touched your soul, curling beneath your righteous shock at the atrocities that a human being can commit. They shook you not merely because of your moral contempt, but because they brought your memories back to the forefront of your thoughts.

Most people have regrets that lurk in the back of their mind, sidling forward when opportunity presents itself. You have sinned more than most, brother; the crimes you committed cannot be atoned for. The people you hurt must forgive you before your deeds can ever set you free.

What do you remember when the darkest shadows of your mind invade your thoughts? That is what I wish to know, Albus. Did you remember the days you spent with Gellert, mingling evil magic with an affair that pitched fiery passion against sinister manipulation? You certainly did more damage then than any other time before or since.

Or are you haunted by that day, that day you admitted the truth of to no one? You buried it deep, out of shame or maybe simple desire to cover your crime. It certainly haunted me; it still does. Perhaps if you explain it to me I will be released from its horror. So, Albus: that day when you saw a group of thuggish muggle boys viciously attacking your innocent sister, why did you not stop them? Why did you allow them to beat me into madness? Why did you hide in the shade of the tree, a shadow-ghost that I could see but not reach? What had I done to make you hate me so?


	5. What If?

**Prompt 039 - Never**

One thing I have always wondered, is 'what if?' An immature question, maybe; one which should always be made specific to meet the critical standards that determine whom or what can be considered worthy of your respect. Not considered an equal, for you never truly saw anyone as quite as wise, experienced or intelligent as you. not since Gellert.

It must be a Dumbledore family trait, this habit of getting sidetracked. You made good use of it, turning it from a problematic habit to an artfully manipulative skill, but only your spectators from the grave ever discovered that it wasn't always intentional; that sometimes even mighty Albus Dumbledore lost his focus. It's a pity that you yourself sent some of those souls to this next great adventure, because maybe they could have helped you. As it is, you could beg their forgiveness for eternity and never turn a soul to your cause. Me? I don't know, Albus. I suppose that's why I'm asking you these questions, really. I cannot simply make a decision… not based on sisterly loyalty. Not alone. I need the assurance from the answers to these questions that I can depend on you in a way that I never could in life; depend on you to lead me into eternal rest. I don't know what will happen, not yet.

What if. I do wonder that. What if you'd never met Gellert? What if we'd been born as muggles, never dreaming of the magical world that hides behind a filmy veneer of pretence and arrogance? Or what if you or I had been born a squib?

But no, there's a more important 'what if' that I am about to ask you. I always knew in my most lucid times, Albus, that my madness was tearing our family apart, each of you suffering daily because I lived. I have always wondered if your life would have been less painful if my presence had not diverted the attentions of our parents. Should they have let me die, allowed me to pass on into a world where we would all one day have been reunited? I cannot believe that your life would have been any more difficult without me, certainly.

Oh, I am sure that Aberforth and Mother and Father would have been sad for a while if I had died, maybe for two weeks of abject misery, maybe even for a month. Maybe you would have been too. But it would have passed. I am sure it would have. How could any of you have truly mourned me, when my very life destroyed all of yours to the point of chronic depression?

You and Aberforth would have been happier without the burden of me; your lives would have been less painful if my presence had not diverted the attentions of our parents. Though brilliant, you were never rewarded with as much time as I, the baby girl of the family, and Aberforth faded into the background even more to make room for the care my madness demanded. Our parents would have been more joyful with just two healthy sons, than with a third child who made them suffer for the last years of their lives.

Would your life have taken a different path without that early sense of competition for attention, Albus? Would you never have made such drastic mistakes without that influence? What if I had never been born?

I hate begging for reviews. But this story has had 500 hits and not one single review. C'mon guys... please at least tell me if it sucks!


End file.
